Behind My Happy Face

I know I must move on emotionally from David and Stew’s deaths, even though I wake up every morning these days so depressed it’s painful. I despise the giant gap between the me who, after I have my coffee and my Chinese herbal happy meds, is ready to face her day and the other Judy – She Who Takes Possession of Me in that first hour beginning at 5:30 or 6 when I am semi-conscious. She Who Takes Possession wallows in sadness, clenches her teeth, sweats, feels nauseous; her heart beats so loudly even rational Judy hears it. SWTP cannot see the positive in her life.  Happened Monday morning and again on Tuesday, despite the fact that Sunday’s San Francisco Chronicle began the article on our Berkeley Barb  50th Anniversary on the FRONT PAGE FIRST SECTION BELOW THE FOLD (!!!!!). And continues on a double spread inside.

My pic is fabulous; my bio on page 15 stellar and includes the paragraph I wrote for Yippie Girl about a confrontation I had with Max Scherr over his sexism. I was quoted 3 times in the accompanying article and my quotes were on point. My website address appears in print. Even Stew makes his presence felt from beyond the grave; he’s quoted once.  You’d think all this positiviity would leech into my subconscious and give me happier and less horrific wake-ups but nooooooo….

WTF, right?  Suggestions for moving on are greatly appreciated.


John, Diana, me & Gar

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One thought on “Behind My Happy Face

  1. Judy, You ask for a reply and I’ll give you one from my life coach perspective. We all are here for a very limited time in our physical forms. Stew and David went before you but it could have been you first. Every second in our physical forms is infinitely precious and it is a mistake to waste any seconds in depression. Obviously the planet is facing so many environmental and nuclear war threats a realistic analyst would surely conclude we’re not going to be able to avoid our species destroying the planet. That’s what Carl Sagan basically believed at the end of his life. But I say that for all those who created the cultures and civilizations on this planet the last twenty thousand years, we have an obligation to work on all the good causes so as to not let that happen. You have an obligation to Stew’s and David’s spirits to do so and continue the work.

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