Yesterday I kept busy like a normal person – I went twice to the hardware store because they gave me the wrong bulb, I faced the Costco hubbub alone for the first time since David died to buy a printer as part of the reconfiguration of his office into mine. I walked my 1.25 miles at the Marina and had a laugh with Bets on the phone. For the last two days I’ve felt as if I’ve moved beyond the paralysis of grief. This phase of widowhood is full of firsts: for the first time I accomplished 3 tasks in a row without having to nap in between.
Tonight with Ellen, Pat & Keith, (David’s late wife’s brother) I will cook a community meal for25 people of that same pasta (except gluten free) and meat-balls I used to cook for Stew and Jessica. Tomorrow I will escape Valentine’s Day and stay over in Santa Rosa with longtime friends Linda & Eve then Sunday I drive down to Belmont and Simon.
Normal life, right? My mind remains occupied by Dewey- What will Dewey tell me about how to live my brave new life? The blank spaces in my day have morphed into the tiny stresses that accompany the mundanity of busyness. I’d prefer to find the time to stop, to contemplate and to blog.
A MUST READ: Lottery Tickets: Mourning A Husband by Elizabeth Alexander in the February 9 New Yorker.