Update 2.25.15

As of today, February 25, David has been gone three months and four days. I continue to make my weary way up the down escalator.

I keep myself busy trying to complete projects like our taxes. That one plunged me into a world of hurt, as I relived David’s decline and death courtesy of cold numbers and receipts. I found David’s careful notes on medical expenses for 2013 only after I’d finished figuring out this year’s by myself. I spent an entire day calculating how much David spent last year on herbal supplements ($6240 but some were for me) only to discover supplements aren’t deductible. Still, I needed the task of taxes to be over ; they stressed me out more in not being done than in the hell of implementation.

I feel more liberated than conflicted about turning what once was David’s office into a woman’s proverbial room of my own.

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That the red hue David chose for his walls matches the woman’s hair in the Picasso painting on my screen saver gives me comfort; it confirms I’m heading in the right direction. When I’m ready, I’ll move David’s picture up from the living room and put it next to Stew’s. During daylight I can forsee time, hopefully sooner rather than later, when my post-death to do list no longer stretches out behind me like one of those gigantic creature kites at the Berkeley Marina. I’ll relax, turn David’s former office into a Judy Gumbo cradle of creativity and feel upbeat enough to seize the six months I need to complete Yippie Girl. Still, when I wake up in my lonely bed between 3 and 3:30 a.m., my to do list feels less like a kite and more like an albatross around my neck.

One thought on “Update 2.25.15

  1. Can’t imagine the range of emotions one has around the death of two husbands, much loved. What I do know about you Judy, is that once you pass through mourning and what follows, you will be ready to join the universe in the way that I have always known you: full tilt. xoxoxox

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